Under the El Tracks

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When life gets stressful, which it has a lot lately, I find it hard to look around and notice beauty. The ability my anxiety has to take away the small joys is not something I am proud of, but I know and recognize when it is happening. 

Some days, I can’t get over the fact that we have a racist, sexist, uncaring man sitting in this nation’s highest office. (And some days, I can’t get over the fact that I know some of my family members voted for him.)

Some days, I get sad thinking about my dogs over the years and how some of them are no longer with me. (And also how I know my dog Missy misses their presence.)

Some days, I get mad thinking about the refugee crisis and how some people just don’t want to help anyone, no matter how desperate that other person’s situation may be.

Some days, I get bogged down with the minutia of work and how I feel like I will never be able to get everything done.

Some days, I feel like I do not contribute enough to this world and my community. It can seem like I just take up space.

Some days, I feel guilty for worrying about all of these things simultaneously and not giving enough attention to the ones I love.

When these feelings overtake me and the thoughts race through my head, it can be hard to see anything else. Then other days…something will catch my eye and help me refocus. 

Other days, I see a little hang out spot full of beads, flags, random yard decorations, and seats for plenty. I see this under the El tracks in Lakeview.

Other days, I remember that I know many more people who oppose our 45th president than support him. I remember that resistance is built one step at a time against people like him.

Other days, I smile when I think about my dogs who have passed on and think of how lucky we were to know and love them.

Other days, I donate to a refugee organization and to a museum dedicated to preserving the memory of those who died in genocide. Their legacies will continue to change the world.

Other days, I see someone at work smile because I helped them with a problem or helped them learn something new.

Other days, I recognize that I am just one person who is trying to do her best. I am human, and my fears are not just my own.

Other days, I remember that I declared that this year, 2017, would be the year of inspiration, and sometimes being inspired means I think about too much at once. It is then that I refocus on my partner, who is patient without end and more understanding than he should be.

Some days, I am overcome with stress and anxiety by all that surrounds me. Other days, I am inspired by what I see under the El tracks.

 

 

 

Shoes

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Before I moved to Chicago, I never really knew what it meant to “wear out” a pair of shoes. Sure, I have had shoes that I thought were too impractical, that I completely ruined through accidents (i.e., dropping an entire can of wood stain on them), or that I grew to dislike the style of, and I eventually parted ways with them. That is not the case anymore.

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Two of my favorite pairs of tennis shoes. (If you notice, I do have a favorite brand. I promise this isn’t product placement for New Balance.)

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The soles of the shoes are worn flat and have completely disintegrated in some places!

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They have holes, so if there is any moisture on the ground, my feet know it.

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The holes aren’t confined to just the outside of the shoes either–multiple hurried trips out of the door mean bent heels.

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All of my shoes like to have holes in the same places apparently.

 

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The destruction doesn’t stop at tennis shoes–my Sperry’s used to be a go-to as well.

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I guess you can say I “walk hard.”

As you can see, I seem to go through a lot of shoes. However, I had the three pairs of shoes shown above for anywhere from 4 to 7 years before moving to Chicago in 2014, and they were in pretty much pristine condition when I first arrived in the city one year and nine months ago.

Since moving to Chicago, Sam and I have sold our car. We use public transportation, our own two feet, and occasionally a taxi if it’s really needed to get around the city. Of course, this makes for a lot more wear and tear on our shoes since we generally walk to get anywhere and everywhere. I treasure this privilege, and I am so happy to be able to explore Chicago in such an intimate way: walking around is so much more personal and connecting than driving.

Also since moving to Chicago, I began working for a dog walking company, Windy City Paws. Working there has always been about walking (obviously), and as my role has changed over the year and a half that I have been there, it still is! As Field Supervisor, I shadow all of the company’s walkers on their routes and get to meet all of their dogs, which is really the best job ever. Since I’m out shadowing someone at least three to four days a week (or more), I am on my feet a lot!

My after-work hobbies and activities require lots of walking as well. I spend a few hours per week learning to be a dog trainer through a wonderful partnership that Windy City Paws has with a training facility called Collins Canine. Sam and I also make a point to walk on the Lakefront Trail and downtown river walk as often as possible as well as visit museums, go to the movies, and spend time outdoors with our pup Missy (in ALL weather).

All of this activity is such a drastic change from the way I used to live life: walk 10 feet to the car, drive to work or school, sit down for a few hours, walk 10 feet back to the car, drive home, take out the dogs for about 5 minutes or so. Repeat. It’s no wonder my shoes never really experienced any true wear.

I tend to develop unusual attachments to inanimate objects, locking them in my mind with certain memories and meanings, so these shoes actually represent much more to me than footwear. (One of those pair of shoes–the blue and pink checkered sneakers–I wore on my very first trip to Chicago in 2007, in fact, so that is of course why I can never get rid of them no matter how ratty they may become. I’ll stop wearing them, but they’ll be there.) What these shoes represent to me now is a total change of lifestyle and direction. Whereas I used to be, for the most part, sedentary and also seemingly “stuck” in a certain way of life, now I’m active and mobile. Wearing out those shoes meant that I had moved on from something that I didn’t want to be a part of anymore.

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New (New Balance, of course) shoes at Lake Michigan.

So now I have a new pair of shoes. I spent more money on them than I usually do (and that I like to do), but I see it as an investment in my lifestyle and my work. And after having this new pair of shoes for a grand total of three days, they have already walked a couple dozen miles and have had their laces chewed on by two different dogs. That’s the existence they’ll have to endure belonging to Lauren, though. 😉 I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A New Year to Reflect

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Happy New Year, folks! I hope 2016 will bring you all hope, love, and well-being for you and all of your loved ones.

For several years now, I have given each “new year” a word that I think will be the guiding theme of the next 365 days (366 this year!). 2015 was the year of “discovery,” and it truly was a year when I discovered so much–about myself, about my city, about life. There were heartbreaks: my beloved dog Cosmo died suddenly in June, and Sam’s grandmother died in November. There were triumphs: I got a job that I really love and enjoy that lets me spend time with my family and work with animals on a daily basis. I made amazing friends who enrich my life and make living in Chicago more fun than I ever thought it could be! Several family and friends visited Sam and I and got to experience first-hand why we love Chicago so much.

I will admit that at the beginning of 2015, I was scared. Sam and I had just moved to Chicago three months prior, and the future seemed very uncertain. This year, I am excited and hopeful for the future. I owe this feeling mostly to two key factors: 1.) Rambling Readers Book Club and 2.) Windy City Paws.

Our book club made us feel welcome from the very first time we attended in December 2014, and as someone who has never really felt like I have fit in anywhere, I can honestly say that my fellow Rambling Readers make me feel more accepted than I ever have. To my book club: I love you all and am so grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for being you!

My work at Windy City Paws has also made my life so much fuller this past year, and I can honestly say that I am so fulfilled and challenged with the work that I do. My supportive colleagues make me want to do more and learn more every day, and I am so thankful for their guidance and their friendship.

I guess you could say that things really “clicked” in 2015. So many things I was worried about this time last year fell into place and created a wonderful new life for Sam and I here in Chicago. Not everything was happy this year, but it really was a year of “discovery” in many ways–most of which were amazing.

Sam and I have determined that 2016 will be the year of “reflection.” We’ve been in a cycle of massive change for the past several years, and we are now at a point where we feel we can take a moment to enjoy our lives the way they are.

I am excited about spending the upcoming 366 days with Sam, Missy, and our new kitty Mister, reflecting on how very fortunate we all are as well as embracing the next adventures the future will bring. Welcome, 2016–I look forward to experiencing all that you have to offer.

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Mondays with Missy – Changes

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Monday, July 20, 2015

I’ve gone through a lot of changes in my nearly twelve years. When my mom and dad adopted me eleven years ago in Tennessee, I had only been in the shelter for three days, but I knew I didn’t like it there. I was glad to go to a new home that day all those years ago–that was such a good change! After that, I moved a few times, and that wasn’t a big deal because my family was always there. I don’t mind living in a new place as long as I have familiar faces around me!

Over the years, I’ve had two sisters and a brother. Sometimes it took me a while to get used to them when they first came into my life, but I did love all of them. My sister Jessica died when she was very old and sick while we still lived in Tennessee. That was hard for everyone, especially my mom and dad. Still, I had my other sister and brother. I loved bossing them around and making sure they fell in line! As long as they were around, I knew everything was just fine.

Last year came the biggest change I’ve ever experienced–my whole family moved from Tennessee to Chicago, Illinois! I got a little freaked out on the long car ride up here, but once we were settled, I grew to love my new city. I still do. It’s different from anything I’ve ever experienced, and while some of the noises (like trains) are still scary, I enjoy my life here. Shortly after we moved here, my little sister Ruby died from a heart condition that we never knew she had. I was really sad to lose her because I had helped raise her from the time she was a puppy. Ruby was really my baby, even though I let my mom think she was hers. 😉 Still, I had my brother Cosmo and my mom and dad. I knew I could get through it.

Last month, Cosmo began to feel bad. He would throw up every once in a while, and he just wasn’t acting like himself. He died on June 21, and I became the only dog in my family for the first time since July 2007! What a crazy change that has been over the last month. I miss Cosmo a lot, even though he really got on my nerves. I may have barked at him every day when I was jealous over him getting attention or when I thought he had taken some of my food, but he was my buddy. I miss having him around. Shortly after he died, my mom and dad went out of town for a couple days. This made me really upset even though I had a dogsitter staying in my house 24/7 and taking care of me. (Who knows? They could have been leaving me forever!) I guess it was all too much because my stomach was messed up for about a week. The vet said I had acid reflux from stress, so I’ve been on antacids for a few days for that.

I feel a lot better now, and I guess I shouldn’t worry about my mom and dad leaving me after they’ve kept me around for eleven years. In fact, I’m getting more attention than ever now. My parents hardly ever leave me alone, which can sometimes be annoying–I enjoy my alone time–but I know they mean well! They let me boss them around all time time now too, so that makes up for them being annoying sometimes. They took me to PetSmart and bought me all sorts of new stuff and have been giving me so many treats–my favorite ones have been from a dog treat food truck here in Chicago! People may say I’m spoiled, but I say every dog should live like this. 🙂

The most recent changes in my life have been difficult for me, but I still have my mom and dad. I know they love me and will take care of me forever. Plus, I’m tough. I know how to adapt–I’ve done it my whole life. If there is anything I know how to do, it is to push through. When life gets hard, I just bark in its face.IMAG0669

Until next time,

Missy “Misdemeanor” Baud